امشب می خواهم به یاد سهراب بنویسم...

به یاد مردی که سادگی را با ..."زندگی شستن یک بشقاب است" به من اموخت.

کسی چه میدانست وقتی گفت..."در ابعاد این عصر خاموش, من از طعم تصنیف درمتن ادراک یک کوچه تنهاترم..." در دلش چه می گذرد.و چرا دایم دم از تنهایی سردی و سکوت میزد؟ شاید او هم گوشی می خواست برای شنیدن...مثل من...

بگذریم.

امشب شب سهراب است.

این روزها زیاد به او فکر می کنم.. حتما اگر سهراب بود حرفی داشتیم برای زدن و شعری برای سرودن...

به یاد او:

....

صدا کن مرا
صدای تو خوب است
صدای تو سبزینه‌ی آن گیاه عجیبی است
که در انتهای صمیمیت حزن می‌روید

در ابعاد این عصر خاموش
من از طعم تصنیف درمتن ادراک یک کوچه تنهاترم
بیا تا برایت بگویم چه اندازه تنهایی من بزرگ است
و تنهایی من شبیخون حجم ترا پیش‌بینی نمی‌کرد
و خاصیت عشق این است
کسی نیست
بیا زندگی را بدزدیم آن وقت
میان دو دیدار قسمت کنیم
بیا با هم از حالت سنگ چیزی بفهمیم
بیا زودتر چیزها را ببینیم

ببین عقربک‌های فواره در صفحه‌ی ساعت حوض
زمان را به گردی بدل می‌کنند
بیا آب شو مثل یک واژه در سطر خاموشی‌ام
بیا ذوب کن در کف دست من جرم نورانی عشق را
مرا گرم کن

و یک بار هم در بیابان کاشان هوا ابر شد
و باران تندی گرفت
و سردم شد آن وقت در پشت یک سنگ
اجاق شقایق مرا گرم کرد
در این کوچه‌هایی که تاریک هستند
من از حاصل ضرب تردید و کبریت می‌ترسم
من از سطح سیمانی قرن می‌ترسم

بیا تا نترسم من از شهرهایی که خاک سیاشان چراگاه جرثقیل است
مرا باز کن مثل یک در به روی هبوط گلابی در این عصر معراج پولاد
مرا خواب کن زیر یک شاخه دور از شب اصطکاک فلزات
اگر کاشف معدن صبح آمد صدا کن مرا
و من در طلوع گل یاسی از پشت انگشت‌های تو بیدار خواهم شد
و آن وقت حکایت کن از بمب‌هایی که من خواب بودم و افتاد
حکایت کن از گونه‌هایی که من خواب بودم و تر شد
بگو چند مرغابی از روی دریا پریدند
در آن گیر و داری که چرخ زره پوش از روی رویای کودک گذر داشت
قناری نخ زرد آواز خود را به پای چه احساس آسایشی بست
بگو در بنادر چه اجناس معصومی از راه وارد شد
چه علمی به موسیقی مثبت بوی باروت پی برد
چه ادراکی از طعم مجهول نان در مذاق رسالت تراوید

و آن وقت من مثل ایمانی از تابش استوا گرم
ترا در سر آغاز یک باغ خواهم نشانید.

....

روحش شاد...

The White Board

I remember 7th grade like it was yesterday…Sitting in front row in class and listening so carefully to our religion teacher Ms. Akbari. Ms. Akbari was one of a kind. She was a dark skinned women who never smiled. We all knew that she took her classes very seriously and that no one could joke around since the subject was God and prophets most of the time.We were not aloud to disagree or express our opinion or she would say “how dare you question God and his holy book…this is the way it is and you have to learn and follow it in order to go to heaven….” oh how brainwashed we used to be, and how convincing she used to sound

But one day she came to class and taught us this…”My dear students, always remember, you were born with a white board attached your heart and there is not a single dot on it until you start planting your seeds. If you plant good seeds, your white board will always remain white and clean, but if you plant bad seeds, evil will come and your white board will get darker and darker…” I remember that day I was in fear..I wanted to ask, is this really true? (but I knew better) and if so, what about forgiveness, love and patience

….

years later I learned this…its not about how dark your white board become. After all isn’t it meant to be written on? Whats important is how fast you erase the darkness so it wouldn’t sink to your heart…
keeping a white board untouched is boring. keeping a white board untouched is lifeless…I have a message for Ms. Akbari tonight: ” write on your white board, loud and clear. keep the good stuff and erase the evil….

And don’t worry, you can still go to heaven…

according to ' many' Iran is no place to miss

according to 'many'...Iran is no place to miss.

... A place filled with dirt, pollution and reckless drivers;
People are rude and smell horrible.
Men never shave and women...well...according to 'many' don't exist.
Education is forbidden.
It is the country of corrupt economy and nuclear program so dangerous it can blow up many countries at once!

but i still miss it...

I miss it when I think of Tehran.
I still miss it when I think of our small apartment on the fourth floor;
my room which was shared with my little sister;

each neighbor had their own story.

I still miss it when I think about the the nosy neighbor who would lean forward of the hallway window for hours to make sure she is not missing out on any of the neighborhood action...

or the 'namaki' who would appear in the middle of the summer afternoon to sell and buy any plastic topoware.

Or my sister who would run down the stairs with a glass of water to greet my grandma half way on the second floor every time she would come to visit.

I remember my sister and I would wait hours for our dad to come home only to beg him to take us to the tiny little park up the hill!

Or when we could not wait to get home from school to take off our scarfs which in most cases had already made a bush out of our hair underneath and had to be unpeeled from our scalp.

According to 'many' Iran is no place to miss...but they might not know that...every Thursday night was family night.

every Thursday night, my Aunt and cousins would come over .

the smell of sunflower seeds, peeled clementine, and Persian peeled cucumber with salt would fill the whole house.

Adults would eat and drink Persian tea and my cousins and I would talk about anything and everything. I still can hear the conversations and laughter.

Every Thursday night, I would think.." nothing can make me happier"...That is gone and I miss it.

I miss Hajar high school. A place where only girls were allowed; Where our nails, eyebrows and upper lips were checked every Saturday morning; God forbid if we had nail polish on or had touched the manly hair of our faces...

Where I did not do much homework, but learned a bunch from our conservative, covered in black chadour teachers.

The night I left Iran, was a joyful night! I thought " I am finally leaving this bleak place and I am never coming back." But that feeling soon left me as soon as the plane landed...

The truth is that one day I am indeed going back.

Going back to undust the memories and relive the forgotten moments.

Taking it for granted

Once I read somewhere that humans are the most flexible animals; well, not physically per se, but mentally and emotionally. I didn't really care much about this statement back then; just thought about it as a simple saying and it wasn't till recently that I truly felt its meaning.

The simple truth is that us, humans, get use to things so unconsciously; Situations, conditions, locations, behaviors, wealth, health,etc. sometimes it might be the lack of awareness and the capacity for sensory perception as merriam-webster would have it. What ever it might be our souls become so moldable, just like water; It fits and changes as its poured into any shape and form jar... and that is a beautiful thing until we get stuck in one stage for too long...

then we tend to get used our surroundings. We think too highly of ourselves. We begin to like it. We begin to think that we deserve it and we should have been here from day one in the first place and that's when it happens. We take it for granted....we take it for granted until it is taken away from us. When the nice things are gone, when rich is poor, when wealthy is sick, when pride is replaced by humbleness. Then we begin to blame everything and anything in our power including ourselves."...well, maybe if I had acted differently, if I had tried a little harder, if I was a little nicer,..." but the truth is, none of these things matter. life is going to happen before our eyes and most of the time, we can't do much about it.

I feel like my life has taken that route in the past year. As I think about it tonight, I have taken many things, situations, people, etc, for granted as if they are going to be there forever...and now that I feel some of them have been taken away from me, I feel the emptiness...

i know, or better said, I've learned today that any situation is a good situation. Any condition is a good condition. The variable is us. We can be happy, rich, healthy, miserable or poor in any setting; Just depends on how we look at it...so, don't get stuck in one spot for too long and when you've moved on, don't forget about the past, for the past is always a part of your future.

thanks for listening!

Goodnight....

Side note to God

Lord...

Thank you for all the answered and unanswered prayers...
Thank you for the rough times...without it we could not feel the sweetness of freedom...

Thank you for the dark nights...
Thank you for the bitter moments...
Thank you for all the rejected answers...
Without it hope would have lost its meaning and...faith..would have lost its color...

There are no words to describe your glory...your blessing hands..and your forgiving spirit

Thank you for inviting us and allowing us to praise you!
Be with us...guide us and deliver us from evil...

In your name..Amen!

never looked at life this way before

Hello to whoever is reading,

It is around 9:30 P.M. on a quiet Friday night. As I was catching up with some readings just right now, I just thought about what I heard on the radio last night and figured that I had to write about it and share it with the rest of the world. It opened my eyes to no limit and I hope it will be a buzzer to someone out there.

I'd like to think of myself as a positive person. I always try to look at the half-full of the glass. I try not to freak out when times are hard and trust the superpower, and I thought that was good enough until last night.

Last night, delilah radio show host of 97.1 (After hours with Delilah) was on as I was driving home from school. I was tired and impatient to get home and unwind mentally from the whole world until Delilah said:

"Live your life. I can not understand when I meet people at the grocery store and they tell me that they are buying food to go sit in front of the TV and do nothing. Live your real life; not the life that is behind the magic box! I can not believe when people waste hours and hours of their days.

"In those hours, laughter can be burst, yarns can be knitted, crochets can be made, hungry kids can be fed, God can be praised, books can be read, and love can be spread. Live your life...

I can not believe when I think bout how short life can be..and yet people take it for granted and think they have all the time in the world. Live you life to the to the fullest! "

My mind was blocked as she had just said the most unbelievable thing! Why this sounded so new to me? I almost stopped the car to think. I thought this has got to be the most powerful thing I heard in a long time!

And I remembered, I know so many people around me including myself that take this direction unconsciously. I remembered how tasks are forwarded to tomorrow, love is often put on hold, and concede becomes peoples best friend. We forget about the super power. We often have to remind ourselves that our 9-5 job is not our everything! and there are other things in life that can mean so much more!

I don't know about you, but those words are embedded on my soul and will be with me forever; so I thinknthe next time you wanted to put your life on hold again, just remember, life will go on, clock won't stop ticking, and love can slip out of your hands before your eyes!

That is it for tonight, thank you for listening!