دوستی با بعضی آدم ها

دوستی با بعضی آدم ها مثل نوشيدن چای کيسه‌ايست. هول هولکی و دم دستی. اين دوستی‌ها برای رفع تکليف خوبند. اما خستگی‌ات را رفع نمی‌کنند. اين چای خوردن‌ها دل آدم را باز نمی‌کند. خاطره نمی‌شود. فقط از سر اجبار می‌خوريشان که چای خورده باشی به بعدش هم فکر نمی‌کنی.

دوستی با بعضی آدمها مثل خوردن چای خارجی است. پر از رنگ و بو. اين دوستی‌ها جان می‌دهد برای مهمان‌بازی برای تعريف کردن لطيفه‌های خنده‌دار. برای فرستادن اس ام اس‌های صد تا يک غاز. برای خاطره‌های دمِ دستی. اولش هم حس خوبی به تو می‌دهند. اين چای زود دم خارجی را می‌ريزی در فنجان بزرگ. می‌نشينی با شکلات فندقی می‌خوری و فکر می‌کنی خوشحال‌ترين آدم روی زمينی. فقط نمی‌دانی چرا باقی چای که مانده در فنجان بعد از يکی دو ساعت می‌شود رنگ قير. يک مايع سياه و بد بو که چنان به ديواره فنجان رنگ می‌دهد که انگار در آن مرکب چين ريخته بودی نه چای.

 

دوستی با بعضی آدم‌ها مثل نوشيدن چای سرگل لاهيجان است. بايد نرم دم بکشد. بايد انتظارش را بکشی. بايد برای عطر و رنگش منتظر بمانی. بايد صبر کنی. آرام باشی و مقدماتش را فراهم کنی. بايد آن را بريزی در يک استکان کوچک کمر باريک. خوب نگاهش کنی. عطر ملايمش را احساس کنی و آهسته، جرعه جرعه بنوشی‌اش و زندگی کنی........

زیباترین قسم

نه تو می مانی و نه اندوه

و نه هیچیک از مردم این آبادی...

به حباب نگران لب یک رود قسم،

و به کوتاهی آن لحظه شادی که گذشت،

غصه هم می گذرد،

آنچنانی که فقط خاطره ای خواهد ماند...

 لحظه ها عریانند.

به تن لحظه خود، جامه اندوه مپوشان 

 هرگز.

 سهراب

Be my everyting

Dear God,

Tomorrow is thanksgiving. As I sit here and reflect back, I lose count of the things you have blessed me with. And I just want you to know that I am so thankful.
It wasn't all fun you know... There were some bumpy roads.  A lot of them at times. There were times were I lost track. I lost track of everything. I didnt know where to turn, and you where nowhere to be found. Didn't really know which direction I'm going anymore. But you carried me home, as you always do.

God, Thank you for bringing Baubak to my life who I love so dearly. Thank you for my family who are truly one of a kind. Thank you for every single one of my friends who have been there for me through thick and thin, and I really don't know what I would have done without them. and ofcourse thank you for Chester who is truly the joy of my life :)

I pray that you never allow us to take your blessings for granted. I pray that you make us believe in your power, that at the end of the day, everything is going to be ok! and I pray that you never let us lose our bond with you, and never feel disconnected. God, I ask you to be my everything. to be my hope, be my strengths, be my voice when I cant talk and my feet when I cant walk. Jesus, be my everything...Happy thanksgiving!

He is jelous for me

According to God, we are here to love. Nothing much really matters. So, God asses our lives based on how we love. But the word love, is so overrated and worn out. what does God mean by love?

well, he tells us.


" Love is Patient and kind; Love does not envy or boast; It is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; It is not irritable or resentful; It does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believe all things, hope all things, endures all things. Love never ends....
faith, hope, and love abides, these three; but the greatest of these is love"  (1 Corinthians 13:4-8,13)  

Crazy love by Francis Chan







This is the true meaning of what love suppose to be; How pure and transparent! This is how he loves us, believe it or not (which is so hard to believe most of the time). But the question is, can we love him back the same way? Or can we love one another the way he loves us. After all, we are all born with it. we are all capable of doing so. It is in us, or he would have never expected it from us. I Wonder.


God is love, keep him close!

من دلم مي‌خواهد

خانه‌اي داشته باشم پر دوست

کنج هر ديوارش

دوست‌هايم بنشينند آرام

گل بگو گل بشنو...؛

 

هر کسي مي‌خواهد

وارد خانه پر عشق و صفايم گردد

يک سبد بوي گل سرخ

به من هديه کند

 

شرط وارد گشتن

شست و شوي دل‌هاست

شرط آن داشتن

   يک دل بي رنگ و رياست...

 

بر درش برگ گلي مي‌کوبم

روي آن با قلم سبز بهار

مي‌نويسم  اي يار

خانه‌ي ما اينجاست

 

تا که سهراب نپرسد ديگر

" خانه دوست کجاست ؟ "

 

Broken Hallelujah

bunch of drivers in this world..
 with a big GPS looking over us operated from upstairs...
 I cant imagine how frustrating it might be to try to show the right way. but he never says anything. never complains. He is patient. but we choose to twist. We choose to turn. I don't want to be a cold...broken...hallelujah

So help me God.

happiest moment of life

..."in fact, no one recognizes the happiest moment in their lives as they are living it. It may well be that, in a moment of joy, one might sincerely believe that they are living that golden instant "now", even having lived such a moment before, but whatever they say, in one part of their hearts, they still believe in the certainty of a happier moment to come." (The museum of innocent, Orhan Pamuk)

As I am sitting here, reading page by page,I understand how true this can be. We all wait for that "special" moment, "special" person, "special" place...yet,I've always asked myself; Is this a certain feeling that has been engraved in our hearts and brains, that when we feel it, we know it is the one.. this is the moment.
As we sit, and wait for it, hours and days, passes before our eyes.

...or could it simply be like this?

December 2010, free of work, enjoying a cup of tea at home. it was cold as it could be. I was deep in thoughts, as I always am, when a knock on the door, broke it apart. and there he was standing at the door, with a big smile.
"come, come, come in...is it raining outside? you are all wet."
"oh its snowing, and freezing, look out the window"
And there it was. It was coming down, so purely, and beautifully. Our apartment was warm and cozy, and there was no place in the world I would rather be. Tea was boiling, food preparing; the room was full of love, full of joy.

we took a walk to the grocery store, as the snow kept falling down. Holding hands, singing of joy, happiness, and God, I felt as that was the happiest moment of my life!
careless of the world as we were walking back home, I reminded myself, happiness is not expensive, cheap, or out of reach. It is within me. It is "Now".

God is Love, Keep him close,
Good night.

You always call me back
In to your arms, your spirit, your being

I cant live without you and you cant live without me…
That’s why I am walking carrying your name

Oh how big you are and how small I am…
Still, you call me. still you love me. still you crave me…

I feel your presence, as I feel our lost times together
I was so close, and now I am so far…

I am craving your glory, your beauty, your kindness
Call me and KEEP me in your arms, and protect me
From anything that is a different color

Hold my hands, and his hands in yours, and when/if the day comes
Put our hands together…only in your name…
Amen.

the cold, the dark, the silent night.

What a lonely night.

Its silence but only on the outside. You wonder if anyone is listening.
When silence is this high, darkness is thick and sounds of evil are loud.

I sometimes want to go. leave. disappear. but I stay.
Now, I often wonder, how much one can take? Or perhaps the more we take, the more we learn to carry.

Its a dark night. but I don't care.

What is the meaning of becoming one, I often ask myself.
How much more can one give? Who sets the expectations? and what exactly happens when they are not met. I also often ask myself.

Sometimes words are not enough. Sometimes there can be no words.
but choking is never the answer. NEVER!

I am. I am. I am. the greatest, the highest, the strongest. And I will always be.

Peace.

Dolphins are NOT worth it!

Sooo, this post was sitting in my draft folder for nearly a year now, and I had to finish it! Its definitely a story worth telling...


February 2011

I am sitting here at John Wayne airport . its about 9:30 A.M. in the morning and its time to go home. I am tired and sleepy, but so rested from the 4 days birthday vacation! Laguna beach is truly beautiful. The weather so breezy, and crisp you just want to pause the moment and breath! and by the way, people are so much nicer than the East coast...We went a lot of cool places, had lots of good food and just had a blast!

but there is one thing about my vacation which I will never forget!

 The Dolphins!

It was my idea, let me emphasis, MY idea, to go on a whale and dolphin safari. I found this place called "Captain Dave Whale and Dolphin safari". The whole thing sounded so cool! We would board on a small boat and would travel about 6 or 7 miles into the pacific ocean to be greeted by dozen of whales and dolphins at the time, dancing in the water and shaking their tails for us....or at least thats what their website stated!

everything was perfect. We got in the boat, waiting impatiently for the captain to start the ride. Oh, and to make things more interesting, we had decided to fill up our tummies with Cheetos, Potato Chips and a turkey sandwiches before the ride, oh so oddly delicious!

Finally, we were moving, and out of excitement, Baubak and I decided to play Titanic! So, we made our way to the tip of the boat and stood there as the cold water touched our feet, and the breeze hit our faces. ahhh!! Just the picture perfect vacation. right?

UNTIL, a voice in my head commanded me "you better stop the titanic show right now, or you will regret it for the rest of the day!" I didn't listen of course. I don't know how many minutes had passed, before I was convinced that I just do not feel right. With the hopes of  it being something temporary, I made my way back inside, and sat down. I was still excited and was keeping an eye out for the dolphins. I looked around. There were people laying down, sleeping on their back or tummies. I remember thinking to myself, what in the world is wrong with these people? Have they really paid this much money to come and take a nap HERE? little that I knew that I was about to join them shortly....

As the boat continued to vanish in the ocean, I started to feel the complete regret of signing up for this adventure with every cell of my being. "What a stupid idea..Who goes to see the dolphins in the middle of February?!!!!" I thought to myself, as my stomach kept tossing and turning! nope, no way back now! We are in the middle of nowhere! screw the dolphins I thought..Please get me outta here!

and it hit me. I have to make myself throw up! (sorry for being so frank, but that is exactly what was going on in my mind)

Poor Baubak! He was feeling all right, but the adventure was definitely over for him! He was trying to make me feel better, but it surely was not working. I asked him where the bathroom was, and rushed to it! And of course, the bathroom was more like a hole in the wall which I could barely fit in. I am not going to excite you with what exactly happened in there! (the whole 30 minutes), but we have an expression in Farsi that says, I saw the death in front of my eyes, and I am pretty sure I could relate to it at that moment.

As I was trying to regain my strength  to get out of the bathroom, still feeling like crap, I heard a knock on the door. Baubak was concerned since I took so long, and he had decided to come and pay me a visit. What a  bad idea!

As soon as I opened the door to announce my well being, Buabak's face turned yellow. It wasn't the most romantic atmosphere to be in per se. I looked crazy, and the bathroom...well...was a disaster, and that was more than enough for his stomach to turn. So, in a matter of seconds, I found myself standing at the bathroom door, trying to keep my balance, and Baubak took over my position. Let me not bore you with how many times we went back and forth, taking turns vomiting, and grossing each other out, but believe it or not, that has become one of the unforgettable memories of that trip for me! After 15 minutes or so, we finally stopped, completely out of breath, stared at each other and started laughing! What a disaster I thought! but It was rather a cute, unforgettable and gross moment!

I was still feeling like crap, and so did he at this point. We made our way back to our seats and tried to stay put till this God forsaken trip was over! After 5 minutes or so, the captain announced his regret that he could not find us any dolphins  to see. I cant tell you if I was happy or sad. I guess happy that I had not missed a darn thing, and sad that I wasted a good 2 pair of shoes that could have been purchased with the money I had spent on those tickets.
I closed my eyes and fell asleep, until Baubak slowly woke me up to tell me that the trip was over! Thank you Jesus with all my heart I prayed. We spent the rest of the day doing way more fun things on land which I truly grown a massive appreciation for at that point! and I kept thinking to myself, Dolphins were not worth it!!